Adam Sandler - The Brett Favre of Film

Oh no...

He is the athlete who gave his heart to the city of Green Bay.  With the 1996 Super Bowl under his belt, the most touchdowns ever thrown in NFL history, 508, in his name, and as many fans as dip cans he's chewed, Brett Favre is arguably one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time.

He is the actor who reminded us "it's too damn hot for a penguin to just be...walkin' around."  With movies such as Billy Madison, The Waterboy, and Happy Gilmore grossing over $250,000,000 when added together, Adam Sandler is undoubtably one of the most successful comedians in film.

And even though one is a football star and one is an actor, what do both Favre and Sandler have in common?  Their inability to give it up.  That is, Favre's love for football and Sandler's love to make people laugh.

Luckily for sports fans, Brett Favre hung up the stirrups two full seasons ago, painfully realizing his gunslinging cowboy quarterbacking days were over and it was probably time to focus more on golf... or hunting... or Wrangler commercials... or whatever that dude enjoys.  I hated the fact Favre waited so long to give it up.  It seemed he was looking for his fifteen minutes of fame when he received nearly 20 years of it throughout his career.  Even though he made it to an NFC Championship Game with his Vikings squad of 2009, didn't seem a bit odd #4 was running around in a jersey his Packers have hated for so many years?  I think so.  However, once Favre was gone, I was sad.  Whether or not I thought the guy was selfish, he was one of the best of all time; no denying that.

Sandler, on the other hand, is a different story.  What is this guy doing?  Sure, 2010's Grown Ups was entertaining and at times humorous, but did any of us want to see legendary character "Bobby Boucher" grow up?  And yes, 2009's Funny People was a nice return to an irreverent, dick joking Adam, but what beats the scene between Adam Sandler, his ex-girlfriend, and her newfound "older man" in Happy Gilmore (The "shut up old man river or I'll break ya hip" line)?  It is sad to say, but Adam Sandler has simply lost his touch.  Unfortunately, what makes matters worse, aside from Sandler losing his touch, is he keeps trying to find it.  I don't know about you, but I would not touch his new movie, Jack and Jill, with a 10,000 foot pole.  People will see it, but they will continue to see Sandler's films for the same reason they watched Favre's remaining games - out of respect.

Hell, Adam Sandler should call up Brett and learn a thing or two from him.  Brett's doing more commercials, Adam should do more musical concerts.  Maybe down the road Brett is involved with an NFL Organization, maybe down the road Adam focuses more seriously on his already outstanding directing career.  I will never hate Adam Sandler as an actor, that would be impossible.  However, I do think he should consider other professional careers.  I never wanted to walk out of an Adam Sandler movie saying, "that just was not funny at all," but I already have... You Don't Mess with the Zohan (sweet Jesus).

On the other hand, let's take this opportunity to look at the potential success that could be garnered by the public from Favre and Sandler's chokehold on the spotlight...  If they were to have a kid he would be named Brett Sandler and Brett Sandler would be an old, fading actor who only did crummy football movies where he threw more interceptions than touchdowns in most scenes.  Bummer, but last time I checked that just isn't scientifically possible.  Oh well, hopefully at some point Adam Sandler will read what Tito has to say and add a comment.

Angel Pagan or Devil Pagan?

Angel Pagan shown in the place where he needs to spend more time - the batting cage

While plenty of kids my age spent Spring Break 2012 sun-bathing in San Diego or getting cultural in Cabo San Lucas, I decided to take a three day trip down to Scottsdale, Arizona to check out my San Francisco Giants in their final days in Spring Training.  Alongside my Dad, I hopped on a plane leaving San Jose International on Friday morning and landed in Phoenix Sky Harbor International two hours later.  After a Friday afternoon of pool lounging and libation indulging, Pops and I headed over to Scottsdale Stadium Saturday afternoon to check out our beloved Giants take on the Kansas City Royals.

Coming back from an off-season injury, last year's baseball Cinderella, Ryan Vogelsong, took the mound for two innings and had his good stuff going.  Middle reliever Jeremy Affeldt came in for two more, looked just as good as Vogelsong, and then that asshole with the beard came in for the fifth.  Brian Wilson, the aformentioned "asshole with a beard" threw one inning.  He too is coming back from injury Vogelsong, and Wilson was throwing heat resembling his 2010 World Series Season dominance, which was great to see.  He can keep that god awful beard so long as he saves the Giants games.

Day 2 my Father and I were lucky enough to watch the Giants take on the Los Angeles Angeles of Anaheim.  Big Time Timmy Jim was on the mound for the Gigantes, gave up two runs, took a no decision, but overall looked cool, calm, and collected out on the mound for most of the day.  As you can tell, it is not the pitching that has me worried about my ball club this year, it's the hitting - just as it always is.  Huff still tops the ball and Pablo still swings at everything...but we have all seen this before and we know those guys can be great (Huff during our 2010 World Series Run, Pablo last season).  For now, these usual "batting bums" of the Giants are not the ones who have me bent - it's a newcomer.  Angel Pagan.

For those who are not familiar with the name, Pagan has spent the last six years in the Big Leagues, starting with the Chi-Town Cubs, but spending most of his career as a Big Apple Met.  He is a speedy center fielder with a .280 lifetime batting average and the San Francisco Giants traded fan-favorite outfielder Andres Torres and middle reliever Ramon Ramirez to the Mets this off-season in return for Pagan.  Bay peeps were sad to see Torres go, especially after his magical 2010 season, but he was a journeyman on the wrong side of 30 when we signed him a few years back and Pagan showed promise with young legs and a good bat.

Well, just as your parents promised you Santa Claus was absolutely real as a young child, not all promises come to fruition.  So far this Spring, Pagan is batting a measly .179 with a .193 on base percentage (OBP) and 10 strikeouts.  To put it in layman's terms, this guy sucks...big time.  I would hate to be the boy to jump to conclusions, but if Angel Pagan does not get it together here in the last couple Spring Training games, he is going to murder the Giants in the 2012 season.  The last thing our offense needed was a shitty hitter who can play a little bit of out field defense.  Can anyone say Aaron Rowand?

Just as my Old Man and I were enjoying a margarita at The Salty Señorita after watching six innings of Giants baseball against the Angels (six innings with only one hit for the Giants, I might add), Angel Pagan came up and ripped a double in the right-center field gap.  I was ecstatic.  Sure, it was his first hit in 25 some-odd at bats, but maybe this was what he needed to end Spring Training on a positive note.  As he took a good lead from second base, Pagan looked over his right shoulder towards the shortstop to see where he was positioned.  The relief pitcher for the Angels, David Carpenter, immediately stepped of the mound, turned to second, and threw Pagan out.  Are you kidding me?  This guy is supposed to be the lead off speedster, but is too busy getting thrown out at second by some no named reliever?  Great.  This sent me into a rant and for those who have watched sports by my side know it was filled with very colorful language.

So here is my message to Angel "The Devil" Pagan:

Listen, I know it's only Spring Training, but Opening Day is on April Sixth in Arizona against the Diamondbacks and if this poor play continues I'll be out in the left-center field bleachers come the home opener against the Pirates, along with every other pissed of Giants fan, with one sign and one sign only: "Bring Back Grandpa Torres."  Get it together and try to help us win another Championship.

Those Kiosk People in the Mall...

You know exactly who I am talking about.  The kiosk workers.  The people who approach you with morose smelling cologne as you are on your way to Foot Locker.  The ones with the fake cigarettes, blowing smoke rings in the air because "it's not real smoke, but it still gets you buzzed."  The lady with the new teeth whiting solution, but for some reason the same solution being placed in someone's mouth eerily resembles a T1000 eye laser from Terminator 2.  I cannot walk the equivalent of a city block in a mall without hearing "Excuse me!  Excuse me!"  Chill bro, I just want some new sneakers.

I am not a big fan of malls anyways.  I enjoy shoes, I love CDs, and I can use a new pair of jeans every once and awhile; all that "shop 'til you drop" stuff just isn't for me.  I know what I want before I get there - I walk to the store the product is in, I buy it, and I leave (maybe I'll throw in a Mrs. Field's cookie, but then I call it day).  I usually walk the fastest of the people in my general area because I want to get in and get out, so I would think if a kiosk vendor were to see me they would know I am not available for nonsense.

When I am clearly walking by you and it is pretty obvious I am not interested in what you are selling, why try and stop me?  I understand there are things such as the potential for incentives or commission based employment, but if I truly like the bedazzled iPhone case you're selling for $19.00, trust me, I'll let you know.  For the most part, this disdain has come solely out of being annoyed.  However, when I was walking through the Valley Fair Mall yesterday, this annoyance went from the usual verbal onslaught to an act of physical salesmanship.  In other words, shit was all up in my face.

I knew on the walk to the Apple Store I was going to encounter several vendors and their kiosks.  I try and do my best to stay as far right or far left as I have to avoid any type of dialogue with the vendors; sometimes even walking against store windows.  This time, though, I was walking all over the place - not feeling any initial harm from the various salespeople.  As I walked passed the Wetzel's Pretzels, my half way mark to the Apple Store, I figured I was home free.  Today was the day.  No middle aged men attempting to sell me a massage while I was on phone with my Mom, no cross-eyed girls my age giving me a walk and talk sales pitch on skin lotion.

I picked up my phone from the Apple Store and began my walk back to the parking garage.  I was to about my half way point once again and that's when it happened.  It was like a car crash; everything slowed down and sped up simultaneously.  I heard, "Sir, Sir, can I spea-" and then felt a literal "whack" across my back.  I whipped my head around, awaiting to see an Apple Store manager returning a pair of headphones I had maybe forgotten, but what I saw was much worse.  A kiosk salesperson.  Aaaaaaahhhhhh!  I couldn't believe it.  I mean, employees badgering you inside of their store is one thing, but when I'm out and about in the concourse? C'mon man.

"Are you interested in buying sun glasses?  It's been sunny all winter, buy a pair," said the salesman.  The man had the presence of mind to try and sell me sunglasses after he physically got my attention - I didn't know whether to scream or laugh.  I could see in his face he had not made sales most of the after noon, but he could clearly see in mine I was not looking to help him out.  Let me be perfectly clear - it could have been a pat on the back, but when it comes as such a surprise I believe force can be multiplied by 10x.  Wouldn't you?  Let me answer that, yes you would.

I had almost dreamt of this day.  A kiosk person had done enough to give me reason to lose my mind for about fifteen seconds.  I had a plethora of comebacks, a litany of snide remarks, and a handful of arrogant answers.  What did I give him?

"No dude."  It was all I could say.  No dude.  I just spent an entire blog post describing how much I loath people like this and the only response I had for kiosk guy was "no dude"?  Yup.  I think that is a fitting way to end the story.  Sometimes there are ways we have to act in this world.  I would have loved to tell the kiosk guy selling overpriced sunglasses to go sit on it and leave me the hell alone, but what would that get me?  I think those vendors have had people say "hey, go sit on it and leave me the hell alone" time and time again and I do not think I would have made much a difference in kiosk guy's day if I were to have been another of those cases.

So, what's the moral of this strange and somewhat useless story?  Obviously there are aspects and people of the world that annoy me, but then again, there are aspects of myself that annoy other people.  I think the trick is to not let those annoyances control and ruin the good experience you're having (dare a say a coming of age?).  After all, you can just start a blog and bash them on the internet.

The Tournament: 2012 NCAA March Madness

Usually, I hate Mondays.  I hate the early morning alarm.  I hate the school work assigned in class before lunch even rolls around.  I hate the excitment my professors display.  I hate the weekend is over.  I hate Mondays so much I would rather skip over them on the weekly timeline, going from Sunday to Tuesday.  However, this Monday, out of all other Mondays in my life, is my favorite Monday of each year.  One might think I am celebrating a birthday or some sort of sentimental anniversary with a loved one, but since I turned 22 in February and the last romantic date I was on Jesus Christ was still a carpenter, this Monday is special to me for another reason.  It is the Monday after NCAA Basketball's Selection Sunday.

That's right, March Madness is officially upon us.  Yesterday, Sunday March, 11, around ninety different college basketball programs huddled around their televisions to see if their squad was tossed into the Tournament of 68.  Some teams sneak in, others are snubbed, but for the most part the NCAA Tournament Selection Commitee does a good job of getting the teams who deserve to be in, in.  It is shaping up to be a hell of a Tournament this year.  Teams such as Vanderbilt, St. Mary's, and Cincinnati are middle of the pack seeds and could potentially dance for awhile if each team gets hot at the right time.  I started writing this post earlier in the morning, but have been working on my bracket since then.  I do not watch every college basketball game each year, but I do take pride in the amount I am able to take in - March Madness is my favorite sporting event.

I only do one bracket.  I sign up and join various fantasy tournaments, but it is very rare for me to make different brackets.  Personally, I enjoy making one pick and sticking with it.  This year I am in two different challenges so far and have only one bracket.  This year I feel my Final Four is solid.  However, what I think I like even more are some of the upsets I have.  So, my final four goes as follows:

Final Four:
1 Kentucky vs. 1 Michigan State
1 Syracuse vs. 2 Kansas

National Championship:
Michigan St vs Kansas, Kansas wins 77-68

I know, I know; I have three No. 1s in the Final Four... And I have a 1 seed and a 2 seed in the Finals.  What the hell is the matter with me?  I could not help myself.  I believe the Big 10 was the best conference in college basketball this year, so I feel MSU faced, and beat, some of the best competition.  Also, I feel Thomas Robinson was the best player in the NCAA and played for the most skilled team.  I think I can explain...  While I think there are some solid 3, 4, and 5 seeds that can go deep this March, I do not think any one team has the skill to get past the big dogs who have worked the field this season.  But like I said, I believe I have made some great picks in each region of the dance.  Here are some of the picks I like the most:

Out of the South:
11 Colorado over 6 UNLV in the First Round

I did not watch much of Colorado this year for one single reason: the Pac-12 blew.  However, I was able to catch the last few games of the the Pac-12's Conference Tournament and watched Colorado upset those Wildcats of Arizona.  I can feel their momentum and I'll gamble on the Buffs against the Rebels from Sin City.

Out of the West:
3 Marquette over 2 Missouri to advance to the Elite 8

I have had an infatuation with Marquette ever since Dwayne Wade "marched" his squad to the Final Four in 2003.  Buzz Williams has coached this team to a 25-7 record and as a 3 seed in the South I think Darius Johnson-Odom is a "P T Per" as Dicky V would say and F Jae Crowder has the ability to rack up double digit points and rebounds in each game of the Tournament.  I know Missouri won 30 games this year, but I like Marquette's recent experience in the dance.

Out of the East:
13 Montana over 4 Wisconsin in the First Round

UPSET ALERT!!! Wisconsin lives and dies by the three, plain and simple.  Montana went 15-1 in the Big Sky this year and is just used to winning this year.  If the Grizzles can come in and play some solid, stout defense against Wisconsin's shooting game, Montana should be able to get out of the first round and move on to Vanderbilt in the Round of 32.

Out of the Midwest:
4 Michigan over 1 North Carolina to advance to the Elite 8

North Carolina is North Carolina.  Harrison Barnes is an athletic freak of nature and a first round NBA draft pick.  Tyler Zeller is a proven veteran who has had his fair share of experience in this Tournament.  Roy Williams is a two time National Champion and has won 672 career games as a Division 1 head coach.  Let's face it, UNC's resume is tasty.  That's why I'm going with the Wolverines.  Too many have already written "Go Blue!" off claiming they are an overrated seed and I think they are going to sneak their way into the Elite 8 with Tim Hardaway, Jr. carrying his team on his back, doe.

These are the picks I'm proudest with, but the most nervous about.  Let me know if you like 'em or if I'm full of it.  Either way, I'm just happy to be picking again.

Protect Ya Neck: Peyton on the Market

Today it was confirmed by sources close to the Indianapolis Colts' camp that quarterback Peyton Manning has been released to free agency.  After 14 seasons, over 54,000 career passing yards, 11 Pro Bowls, and 1 Super Bowl Championship,  Manning enters the free agent pool for the first time in his career.  Colt's owner Jim Irsay, along with his front office, felt it was time to move forward with the organization, placing all focus on the NFL Draft first pick frontrunner, Stanford Cardinal quarterback Andrew Luck.  Manning's release, stemmed from a neck injury alongside four follow-up surgeries, did not come as much of a suprise due to ESPN's typical over-coverage of the topic, but it does make free agent talks more interesting this NLF off-season.  It has been rumored Manning will land with teams such as the Jets, Dolphins, Cardinals, and even my San Francisco 49ers.  Throughout this on-going report, I have thought of two main questions and I happily discuss them below.

Were Jim Irsay and Colts management right in automatically moving on from Peyton?

I knew the release of Peyton was coming eventually.  It has been widely publicized the Colts are taking Andrew Luck number one overall and having to pay both Luck's rookie contact alongside Peyton's $28 million bonus did not make sense.  However, what suprised me was why the Colts were so adament about Luck so early on.  Sure, Peyton had a nasty neck problem that some said could be career ending and had already sidelined him an entire season; I know that is a big deal.  However, does that mean Irsay and the rest of his staff should have completely given up on him?  Just the other day, hidden video footage of Manning launching footballs across Duke's football field like a goddamned catapult made me think Jim Irsay may have dropped the ball (pun intended).  Upon hearing of the neck injury, shouldn't the owner, GM, and anyone else involved rally behind Peyton and make sure he can get the best medical care possible so he can return to winning your organization football games?

Whether or not it was the right decision for the Colts to try and keep Peyton or release him is not the point.  The point is Peyton Manning deserved support from the Colts.  Peyton Manning is the Colts.  The only reason Manning did not win multiple rings in Indy is because of Tom Brady and everyone knows that.  Manning constructed an offense that was simply unbeatable at times.  I, for one, am not a believer in placing all eggs in a preverbial basket and putting complete trust in a rookie quarterback to lead a team to success.  Has it happened?  Yes.  Do I think it will happen with Andrew Luck and the Indianapolis Colts in the 2012 season?  No.  Success for Luck will happen eventually, but not in the first three years.  Luck is unwilfully stepping into hostile territory.  Like I said, Peyton is the Colts.  Not only is Peyton the Colts, but many believe he is the heart of Indianapolis (think Favre leaving Green Bay).  Colts fans will continue rooting for their team, but watching Peyton being pushed out will sting them for some time.

Would I sign Peyton Manning to the 49ers, foregoing the up-and-down relationship with Alex Smith?

Now, all these free agency talks have blown up over the span of the last 24 hours.  Where will Peyton go?  Who does 18 want to play for?  What situation would fit best for both team and quarterback?  Recently, Bay Area sports talk shows and reporters have sparked discussions about whether or not the San Francisco 49ers should persue a relationship with Peyton Manning.  Rather than put up with another two seasons with one year game manager, six year bust quarterback Alex Smith, the 49ers could sign an MVP quarterback with a fantastic track record and an unmatched mind for the game; I'm talking Russell Crowe in A Beautfil Mind type shit.  Trusting that the surgeries have gone well, many media personalities, along with fans, have voiced an overall opinion to go after Peyton and sign him for a two year deal.  49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh has said repeatedly that Alex Smith is "his guy," but many wonder, "Wouldn't Peyton Manning be your guy, too."

Let me say this without too much emphasis because I am thankful for what Alex Smith did for my 49ers this past season, but: I WANT PEYTON MANNING IN THE BAY AND I WANT HIM HERE NOW!  I cannot believe this is even up for discussion.  In my view, Peyton Manning is an offensive genius who rips apart defenses for pure satisfaction.  With running back Frank Gore on the back end of a hard working career and Kendall Hunter still learning the running back ropes, Peyton would be able to come in for a few years and give the 49ers something we have not had since Steve Young: a passing attack.  Also, it has been rumored with the departure of Peyton Manning, Reggie Wayne, another free agent and former teammate of Manning's, will follow Peyton to whichever team he chooses.  So, not only would the 49ers have an actual mentor for back-up quarterback Colin Kaepernick in Manning, but Reggie Wayne could potentially take that prima donna of a wide reciever Michael "Crabby-Patty" Crabtree under his wing, teaching him how to play with a pair of testicles.  I do not see why 49ers Owner Jed York and General Manager Trent Baalke would overlook this up-grade.

I know Harbaugh loved working with Alex Smith during last season, but c'mon... It's Peyton Manning.  As a caller said today on KNBR, "It's Peyton Manning, you don't need words to describe what that guy can do."  What do my 49er faithful think?