Those Kiosk People in the Mall...

You know exactly who I am talking about.  The kiosk workers.  The people who approach you with morose smelling cologne as you are on your way to Foot Locker.  The ones with the fake cigarettes, blowing smoke rings in the air because "it's not real smoke, but it still gets you buzzed."  The lady with the new teeth whiting solution, but for some reason the same solution being placed in someone's mouth eerily resembles a T1000 eye laser from Terminator 2.  I cannot walk the equivalent of a city block in a mall without hearing "Excuse me!  Excuse me!"  Chill bro, I just want some new sneakers.

I am not a big fan of malls anyways.  I enjoy shoes, I love CDs, and I can use a new pair of jeans every once and awhile; all that "shop 'til you drop" stuff just isn't for me.  I know what I want before I get there - I walk to the store the product is in, I buy it, and I leave (maybe I'll throw in a Mrs. Field's cookie, but then I call it day).  I usually walk the fastest of the people in my general area because I want to get in and get out, so I would think if a kiosk vendor were to see me they would know I am not available for nonsense.

When I am clearly walking by you and it is pretty obvious I am not interested in what you are selling, why try and stop me?  I understand there are things such as the potential for incentives or commission based employment, but if I truly like the bedazzled iPhone case you're selling for $19.00, trust me, I'll let you know.  For the most part, this disdain has come solely out of being annoyed.  However, when I was walking through the Valley Fair Mall yesterday, this annoyance went from the usual verbal onslaught to an act of physical salesmanship.  In other words, shit was all up in my face.

I knew on the walk to the Apple Store I was going to encounter several vendors and their kiosks.  I try and do my best to stay as far right or far left as I have to avoid any type of dialogue with the vendors; sometimes even walking against store windows.  This time, though, I was walking all over the place - not feeling any initial harm from the various salespeople.  As I walked passed the Wetzel's Pretzels, my half way mark to the Apple Store, I figured I was home free.  Today was the day.  No middle aged men attempting to sell me a massage while I was on phone with my Mom, no cross-eyed girls my age giving me a walk and talk sales pitch on skin lotion.

I picked up my phone from the Apple Store and began my walk back to the parking garage.  I was to about my half way point once again and that's when it happened.  It was like a car crash; everything slowed down and sped up simultaneously.  I heard, "Sir, Sir, can I spea-" and then felt a literal "whack" across my back.  I whipped my head around, awaiting to see an Apple Store manager returning a pair of headphones I had maybe forgotten, but what I saw was much worse.  A kiosk salesperson.  Aaaaaaahhhhhh!  I couldn't believe it.  I mean, employees badgering you inside of their store is one thing, but when I'm out and about in the concourse? C'mon man.

"Are you interested in buying sun glasses?  It's been sunny all winter, buy a pair," said the salesman.  The man had the presence of mind to try and sell me sunglasses after he physically got my attention - I didn't know whether to scream or laugh.  I could see in his face he had not made sales most of the after noon, but he could clearly see in mine I was not looking to help him out.  Let me be perfectly clear - it could have been a pat on the back, but when it comes as such a surprise I believe force can be multiplied by 10x.  Wouldn't you?  Let me answer that, yes you would.

I had almost dreamt of this day.  A kiosk person had done enough to give me reason to lose my mind for about fifteen seconds.  I had a plethora of comebacks, a litany of snide remarks, and a handful of arrogant answers.  What did I give him?

"No dude."  It was all I could say.  No dude.  I just spent an entire blog post describing how much I loath people like this and the only response I had for kiosk guy was "no dude"?  Yup.  I think that is a fitting way to end the story.  Sometimes there are ways we have to act in this world.  I would have loved to tell the kiosk guy selling overpriced sunglasses to go sit on it and leave me the hell alone, but what would that get me?  I think those vendors have had people say "hey, go sit on it and leave me the hell alone" time and time again and I do not think I would have made much a difference in kiosk guy's day if I were to have been another of those cases.

So, what's the moral of this strange and somewhat useless story?  Obviously there are aspects and people of the world that annoy me, but then again, there are aspects of myself that annoy other people.  I think the trick is to not let those annoyances control and ruin the good experience you're having (dare a say a coming of age?).  After all, you can just start a blog and bash them on the internet.