Don't Change the Channel, Just Leave The Room: 5 Easy Ways to Avoid Pissing Off People You Watch TV With

While it seems fun, fighting over the remote is one of the fastest ways to loose respect.

For those who are like me, this is a post about those people who just do not understand how to watch television.  Due to the fact I love watching my shows and sports, it tends to upset me when I watch with someone who does not understand the fundamentals of media observation.  I am not a TV addict, but when I am watching something it is for good reason; I like it.  If you are an amateur television watcher, here is my message to you: I hope you read, I hope you think, and I hope you learn.  Enjoy.


1.  Avoid walking in half way through a program and saying, "Tell me what happened."
Does this just not piss you the hell off?  I mean, if someone shows up about half way through a show, it's their own damn fault, right?  I cannot tell you the number of times I have had someone walk in during an intense episode of Sons of Anarchy and they have the nerve to ask me why Jax wants to put a hit on Clay.  Also, investing yourself in a television show, not mention an entire series, takes a lot.  It might not seem like much, but when I am into a show I am whole-heartedly into the show.  I will watch every episode.  The last thing I need is some hooligan walking in and asking me to explain to them why "Vince" from Entourage is in rehab and is not dating Sasha Grey anymore... Figure it out for yourself and watch the whole season! 


2.  Save talking for commercial breaks.
Picture it: You are sitting on your couch, beer in hand (if you're like me), John McClane is about push Hans Gruber right off of the Nakatomi Plaza in Die Hard, and some ass ding-bat walks in and tells the fifteen minute story of how he broke up with his girlfriend.  Dude... it's Die Hard.  Why can't these people wait for a Target commercial?  A boring Nike advertisement?  Or a Brett Favre Wrangler commercial?  Anything!  Why can't people talk during the most boring time of the show?  It has never made any sense to me.  When the only response I give is "Yeah" or "That's cool," and my eyes are transfixed on a 42' screen, take the hint: I AM WATCHING WHAT IS ON THE TELEVISION, YOU MORON!


3.  If you don't know what is going on, don't act like it.
This is one of the worst things someone can do.  Quite frankly, I believe this can ruin friendships.  If the New England Patriots are in the Super Bowl against the New York Giants, please do not ask who has the most fouls... That is not even the same sport.  Now, I will admit that last example was a bit dramatic, but you can get the picture.  People who act as if they know about what is going on is like going to Christmas Eve Mass when you never go on any other Sunday; the congregation knows, baby.  I would rather have someone sit there and ask questions about what happened (during commercial breaks, obviously) than act as if they have any clue to what is happening.


4.  Never ask for the remote if you are not in your own house.
These people deserved to get smacked.  When visiting the house of a friend, it is that friend's decision to air whatever it is they want.  If the host wants to watch hockey, you watch hockey.  If the host wants to watch baseball, you watch baseball.  If the host wants to watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, you suck it up, because if you are a guy odds are you are getting play for being so patient... That last one was besides the point, I'll give you that.  What I am getting at is, be respectful to those who control the remote.  Who knows?  Maybe if you wait long enough, the host will ask if there is anything on you want to watch.


5.  Don't make fun of what is on.
Let me give you a spoiler alert: anyone who does this is no friend of mine.  People who make fun of what other people are watching is my ultimate frustration when watching television; it is like going to a concert and telling the person who gave the invitation their music sucks balls as you are walking in.  Honestly, I had never experienced someone making fun of what I was watching so severely until this past interaction.  While I was sitting on my comfy green couch watching Bubba Watson make golf history in the final round of the 2012 Masters, someone (need not be named) walked in and berated the sport of golf for not only the remainder of the round, but for the rest of the day.  "Golf on television.  How boring is that, who cares?"  Promise me, readers, that you will NEVER, EVER DO THIS.  There is no better way to declare, "Hey, I'm the biggest asshole here" than making fun of what is on television when you walk into a house.  Would you not think the other people watching it liked it, maybe?  Simply dumb.

So those are my five rules.  Anyone who wants to add rules, please comment below.  If you have not recognized anyone who exemplifies these characteristics while watching television, you are probably that person no one likes watching television with... Figure it out.