Hello, once again. To all of those who actually missed the frequent posts on this blog, I apologize for my absence. With the combination of finishing up my final college course at THE Santa Clara University, running food for City snobs, and searching for a potential "career," I neglected to do what I love most: talking about whatever the hell I want.
Where to start? I mean, if you think about it, in just over the month since my last legitimate post (Baseball vs. Golf) a whole lot of shit has happened. There have been new movies that have graced the screens, a horrific tragedy in Colorado, Un-Happy Valley, music festivals, fantastic albums, and legendary summer time tales. Basically, I totally fucked up and chose to not document one bit of it. Rather than giving short and sweet opinions on each of the current events previously mentioned, I thought it would be best to just start with something that happened in my life just last night (insert "Tito losing his virginity" joke here, for those assholes out there): Fantasy Football.
Now, there are plenty of people out there who take all types of fantasy sports extremely seriously. And even though I am borderline psychotic when it comes to Fantasy Football, a few of my Santa Clara buddies can attest to the fact that I am not only a horrendous Fantasy Baseball player, but I don't even check my schedule. So, for those who are head over heals for Fantasy Basketball, Golf, Baseball, or Hockey (which I, as a west coaster, don't even check for real life updates), I am sorry to disappoint, but I do not partake.
Fantasy Football is the closest chance I get to relating to coaches like Jim Harbaugh, Jimmy Johnson, or even the great Vince Lombardi. For ten-twelve weeks of the regular season I get to monitor my roster like it is an actual depth chart. I start on Monday, analyzing players' health statuses, and continue to watch like a hawk watches a pheasant high above the prairie ground. I have never had enough confidence in my own team to not check the waiver wire or trade block once or twice throughout a given week and come Saturday, I hit that "finalize roster" button faster than Paterno would have said "I always knew there was something up with Jerry, my bad" (Oh wait, too soon?). Once those ten-twelve weeks are up, I expect to have a solid seed in the Fantasy Playoffs and scratch, kick, and crawl my way into the finals.
Like I said, I am sick for Fantasy Football. Lucky for me, I am in at least one league this year where the "coaches" are as mentally unstable as I am. Out of the fourteen of us, all were athletes at one point in their lives, one is a Bills fan, and almost all have been screaming "Who's got it better than us?" since last January. So, like I said, we're all pretty crazy for football (and, after all, you have to be pretty crazy for the sport if you're a Bills fan). After a couple weeks of planning, we were all able to sit in front of our computers last night and partake in the most exciting, stressful, and offensive part of the whole Fantasy season: the draft.
Having watched A&E's Intervention for the first two seasons in full, I can best relate a Fantasy Draft to heroine: there are insanely high highs, painfully low lows, and at the end of the two hours you're family has to sit you down and help you get your life back together. But hey, it's not really heroine, so once the draft is over, the addiction continues, and there is no chance any "real life" priorities will get in the way of preparing for Week One of the Fantasy season. Why? Well, there is the preparation I spoke of earlier and then there is, as Ruxon from FX's The League would describe, "Rosterbation."
Rosterbation is without a doubt the most fun part of Fantasy Football, even more so than the draft, it self. What is Rosterbation, you may ask? It is an incredibly inappropriate term describing an individual metaphorically masturbating about the fifteen selections he/she has made in the draft. Rosterbation happens for three simple reasons: No player has let you down and scored a low amount of points, no marquee running back has been hurt, and your wide receiver hasn't been incarcerated for a DUI. Also, throughout the course of the draft, you have convinced yourself you are the smartest, slyest, and most deceiving drafter in all 50 states. Simply, Rosterbation takes place right after the draft because, let's be honest, that is the happiest you're going to be all goddamned season.
While I can't say I am going to win every game or even make the playoffs, we haven't started playing yet, so I can sit here and dream. And dream I will, readers. I Rosterbated until 2 am last night and when I awoke this morning with a chafed mind and battery dead computer, I recharged my computer and my own metaphorical batteries, and took a serious look at my roster. I think I have good picks, questionable picks, and some sleepers as well, but since half you have probably already given up on reading this, I'll sum it up with my three favorite picks.
Favorite Pick #1: Wes Welker, Wide Receiver, New England Patriots
Favorite Pick #2: LeSean McCoy, Running Back, Philadelphia Eagles
Favorite Pick #3: Pittsburgh Defense
The first two players are high point contributors to any Fantasy League and I feel my Pitt D is just as good as a marquee player with their ability to force turnovers and score off of said turnovers (Inceptions, Fumble Recoveries, and my all-time favorites, Pick 6's). So, there you have it folks. It's my first blog post in over a month, so it probably reads like absolute dog shit, but I had to put something down. Let me know if you have started any Fantasy Leagues, who you like, and who you think is going to bust this year (cough...Cam Newton...cough). Until next time, this is Tito Von Flavor entering your mind and stimulating your thoughts. So long.
No comments:
Post a Comment