What's up wang-doodles? If you understand that reference, you actually read books as a kid and your parents didn't let you buy tapes. Sissies.
Hump day has hit us once again and we are that much closer to enjoying another fun-filled weekend under this global warmed sun. Up in the city for business today, I was amazed to see all the construction that has enfolded most of San Francisco. As a new member to the plumbing industry and construction in general, I was excited to know the meetings I was headed to were going to soon dictate whether or not my company's product will be placed inside of these many projects popping up all over San Francisco like zits on a teenager's face. Don't look at me with oddly, though, it's not as if I just realized today that all this construction was happening. I visit the city enough for either business or pleasure to at least have an idea of how much construction effects everyday life. However, I am usually passing through or using public transportation, so this was truly the first time in a looooooong time I had to embark on a safariesque expedition looking for a parking spot.
Again, this was not the first day I realized how bad traffic is in the city. I've been in, screamed "fuck," and lost brain cells holding my breath in San Francisco traffic before...not anything new to me. But with all of this construction and all of those closed lanes and detours you city drivers have turned into a bunch of fucking barbarians. One lane closes on Howard and this one way street turns into the battlefield of Braveheart. I could have sworn I saw Mel Gibson, face painted, pulled over by the police, and once again denying the existence of the Jewish faith and other Anti-Semetic outbursts of the sort.
In one swift lane change, which in the lady's defense was awfully close to a full blown cut off, I was flipped off, had brights flashed at me, and was screamed at as soon as she pulled even with my mini-van. Now, I don't know if it was the mini-van, my wide eyes, or my wave before the lane change that gave this lady the intimiation factor, but I can safely say a 65 year old woman has never made me want to shit my pants so badly.
I come from the Peninsula and I still live there. We let pedestrians cross when there are many and said pedestrians know when to wait and let a patient car pass through. You know, common courtesy of the world. I actually watched a man walk on a "do not cross" sign and almost get lit up. Dude, Scott, that happens everywhere. Yeah dude, you're right. Most places, though, don't have a muni-bus humming at a solid 35 with no disregard for human life slam on it's breaks and nearly turn "aring old man" into "disfigured old something I can't tell what the fuck that is, a man or woman or pet or item of clothing?" And yes, I understand San Francisco has smaller roads than most cities. I'm not saying buy a smaller car and I'm not saying bigger roads are just as hard, because they are not. All I want to say is understand you're in this shitty driving situation with the rest of the free world and we're trying to get to our office break room for Krispy Kreme Wednesdays, as well.
Maybe I'm just venting on just another Hump Day. Maybe. But damnit, I'm American. And as a 21st Century American, it's my job to bitch and moan about what I've seen throughout the day on the internet. I'm doing exactly what you would do, but I am funnier and slightly better at it than you are. Anyway, I am truly not sure who I blame more for this fiasco of motor speed (or lack there of) confusion. Do I blame Henry Ford for the mere invention of this monsterous 2-ton death machine or Bozo the Clown who received his driver's liscence from the Cracker Jack box he just crushed driving the car?
Either way, we have to get better behind the wheel. Get off the phone, put down your bean and chee burrito, and don't flip out when you see two lanes merging in a quarter mile. Happy Hump day, ya psychopaths.
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