So it turns out the Son of God may not have been so PG Rated after all. According to several news reports, Jesus Christ Superstar may have had a wife some 2,000 years ago. Deep breaths, Christians, deep breaths. Before you go ahead and run to your local church or watering hole to contemplate life's choices, just chill for a quick minute. This is not the end of the world. God has not come down from the heavens denying such claims and shmiting those reporting them. Relax. We're going to get through this one rational thought at a time.
Let's look at it from the Every Man's Perspective first. Every man wants to get laid. Hold on, let me take the shallowness out of my character and restate that. Every man wants to get married at some point. We may not dream about it like girls do at a young age, but we do. We want kids. We want whatever we see ourselves as to live on through a miniature version of us. Christ was no different. There's no way this guy was living in one of the most savage times in recorded history and did not want to mess around, or even simply talk, with the opposite sex. And afterall, he was Christ for Christ's Sake...had an entire second half of a book written about him. Ladies of the Middle East were probably crawling over this, most likely, five foot nothing, 115 pound, bearded Messiah. I mean, that discription sounds sexy, right ladies?
Joking aside, putting Christ on a pedastool is fine. People need something "perfect" to work toward. Something to believe in. I'm not a practicing Catholic, but I dig Jesus. The guy preached and stood for all the moral things a human should. But if one of the stepping stones on your created pedastool was celibacy, well, you're fucked. Even if he was the Son of God, God can't fault his son for wanting to get hitched and do the deed we all know and love. Can he? I hope not. I always raised to believe Christ was a virgin, but to be perfectly honest, I dig him even more now with science and history reporting he most likely was not.
Now, let's look at it from a historical perspective. The DaVinci Code perspecitve, some say. When looking at the famous painting of The Last Supper, it has been believed for most of history the portrait displayed Jesus with his Diciples at his side. His all male diciples, that is. However, in recent years via documented historian accounts and the ever-popular The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown, people have support otherwise. In fact, people have stated with great certainty that, in fact, the person sitting to the left of Christ (our right) is a woman. And now, with the breaking news just earlier this morning, we can begin to assume this was not just any woman, but Jesus Christ's spouse. His wife.
Was it Mary Magdalene? Was it another woman undocumented in the Holy Bible? To be honest, I don't know and I really don't care. I'm just psyched. And women should be excited too. At this time in history, Jesus' preachings were focused towards the world, humanity, and people working towards the ultimate goal - the afterlife. Heaven. However, in these times, "the world" really only concerned the dick and balls. Men, to be more politically correct. Mary Magdalene was and is portrayed as a whore; Joseph, Christ's stepfather, allegedly once wanted to divorce the Virgin Mary over her divine pregnancy; the women, who claimed to see Christ rise from the tomb, were discredited and laughed at. Face it ladies (even you God-fearing ones), The New Testament wasn't great to you. But now, THE HOLIEST MAN in that entire book, the Son of God, Jesus Christ, may have been married to one of our great-great-great-great-great (x15) grandmothers. It's fuckin' awesome!
Now, does this speculation do anything to help the Catholic Church recognize homosexual unions as marriage or reduce the rate at which grade school boys are molested by priests? Probably not. However, what it does do is open the door to a difference in opinion. This book that so many fundementally follow may not be 100% accurate (shocker!). So, keep that in mind before you blindly and whole-heartly tell me I'm a blaspheming ass. Even if I am.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Cloud Nothings: Here and Nowhere Else
It's not very often I get all hot and bothered about a new release in the music scene. I support my steady arsenal of bands and definitely support new artists I like, but rarely will a underground band (or artist) come along and simply blow my fucking load. In recent memory, a band that accomplished this feet was a punk group from Philly, The Menzingers. Before The Menzingers, I was tipped off on a little band called Wavves and in my mind they changed surf-rock forever. And even before that, I thought Macklemore was going to change people's perception of a white rapper in underground America; he didn't.
As you can clearly see, anyone can be right or wrong when predicting or fantasizing about their little well-kept secret becoming an even better known little well-kept secret... if that makes any sense. Well, let me tell you that I have found a band that may not seem tiny to their fans and following, but to you, the Top 40 mainstream, Cloud Nothings are the fly on the wall of the new what's next.
I tried writing reviews on this blog some time ago and that just never felt appropriate. I'm not pitching you a sale on Cloud Nothings' newest release, Here and Nowhere Else, I'm simply advising you not to miss out on the Eustachian Tube orgasm. Imagine a faster version of The Whigs combined with The Strokes' frontman Julian Casablancas more strung out than normal. What the boys of Cloud Nothings created is far from perfect and that is what makes it so wonderful. Screaming howls mixed with raspy, soothing vocals laid over what always seems to be a distorted guitar turned up to 11. The dreams beat like a Foo Fighters melody, minus the poppy alternative sound. I can't describe this new album as punk because it's not. However, this is as fringe as a band can get.
And hold on, I don't want to come off as this guy who just realized his dick was hard after his 24th birthday. I came upon these guys recently, but I have no intention of pretending to make the Cloud Nothings seem like a new band. With releases dating back to 2010 this band is far from new, but they have not exactly been around for awhile. This is what gets me so excited about them... Their fuckin' potential, man. Just like when I first heard The Menzingers, Wavves, and Macklemore for the first time, all of these vastly different bands held something in common; potential. Now, in my astute personal opinion, both The Menzingers and Wavves have lived up to this "potential," but I think Cloud Nothings can go above and beyond. Why?
This band really seems to give the littlest amount of shit possible when considering what is going to work. Not that they say fuck off to the fans, it's actually the opposite. Cloud Nothings know they have a fan base that appreciates the grittiness, the distortion, the lack of lyrical comprehension. Each album has delved deeper and deeper into the fringe (my word this week) and with each release the band has gained more traction along the way.
Like I said, it's not punk. I don't think they want it to be punk. It's pretty goddamned close, though. Go check 'em out. And hey, if you don't like Cloud Nothings, it's not like you agree with me on most topics anyway.
Cheers!
As you can clearly see, anyone can be right or wrong when predicting or fantasizing about their little well-kept secret becoming an even better known little well-kept secret... if that makes any sense. Well, let me tell you that I have found a band that may not seem tiny to their fans and following, but to you, the Top 40 mainstream, Cloud Nothings are the fly on the wall of the new what's next.
I tried writing reviews on this blog some time ago and that just never felt appropriate. I'm not pitching you a sale on Cloud Nothings' newest release, Here and Nowhere Else, I'm simply advising you not to miss out on the Eustachian Tube orgasm. Imagine a faster version of The Whigs combined with The Strokes' frontman Julian Casablancas more strung out than normal. What the boys of Cloud Nothings created is far from perfect and that is what makes it so wonderful. Screaming howls mixed with raspy, soothing vocals laid over what always seems to be a distorted guitar turned up to 11. The dreams beat like a Foo Fighters melody, minus the poppy alternative sound. I can't describe this new album as punk because it's not. However, this is as fringe as a band can get.
And hold on, I don't want to come off as this guy who just realized his dick was hard after his 24th birthday. I came upon these guys recently, but I have no intention of pretending to make the Cloud Nothings seem like a new band. With releases dating back to 2010 this band is far from new, but they have not exactly been around for awhile. This is what gets me so excited about them... Their fuckin' potential, man. Just like when I first heard The Menzingers, Wavves, and Macklemore for the first time, all of these vastly different bands held something in common; potential. Now, in my astute personal opinion, both The Menzingers and Wavves have lived up to this "potential," but I think Cloud Nothings can go above and beyond. Why?
This band really seems to give the littlest amount of shit possible when considering what is going to work. Not that they say fuck off to the fans, it's actually the opposite. Cloud Nothings know they have a fan base that appreciates the grittiness, the distortion, the lack of lyrical comprehension. Each album has delved deeper and deeper into the fringe (my word this week) and with each release the band has gained more traction along the way.
Like I said, it's not punk. I don't think they want it to be punk. It's pretty goddamned close, though. Go check 'em out. And hey, if you don't like Cloud Nothings, it's not like you agree with me on most topics anyway.
Cheers!
Saturday, April 5, 2014
This One's for Kurt
For many rockers and Generation Xers, today is one of great grief. To many, April 5, 1994 still feels like yesterday and Kurt Cobain just left. For someone like me, a guy who quit the guitar after a few lessons and was only four when the 27 year old Nirvana front man took his own life, the idea of Kurt is what will last more than any actual memory of him.
Growing up in an affluent part of the Bay Area, the ideals of counter-culture, rebellion, and angst were seldom seen or heard. Catholicism was what surrounded the teachings of my youth and to step out of the preverbal "conformity line" was an unfathomable wrong-doing. Luckily, I had a couple of pretty hip parents who only limited my CD purchases to "anything without a parental advisory." See, the funny thing about that limitation was, any band on an indie label or any band who felt so strongly against parental advisory did not need to sensor themselves. HeHeHe...
By the time I was in the sixth grade I had influences that ranged from extended family members, kids in my class, and, most importantly, the chicks one and two grades above me. Junior high school is the time where you have no fucking clue what you're rebelling against, you're just doing it to hopefully make out with somebody. However, through all the petty bullshit of tee-pee parties and movie theatre sneak-ins, there was one form of rebellion I took quite seriously and has stayed with me until this very day. Music.
Nirvana was heavy shit when I was 12. To be perfectly frank, I was more in tune with trying to borrow a Blink album or buying the New Found Glory catalogue at FYE. I couldn't understand the words in that one song about lights going out and asking to be entertained and I sure didn't turn up the radio in my Dad's car when Kurt would sing the words to "Rape Me." In fact, I imagine most of my friends who within my age group felt the same way. They may not admit it, but many kids were still listening to the Top 20 while a select group of friends I were scratching the surface of the alternative.
As I went through high school and college my musical interests expanded, but I always continued to dive deeper into the alternative rock and roll genre; tapping particularly into punk. It was then I started to notice the names of bands the iconic Nirvana frontman once wore on t-shirts. Black Flag, The Germs, Fugazi, Fear, DOA... All of these bands, while different in sound and geography, had one commonality: fuck off.
And it wasn't just punk, either. Citing major influences such as The Beatles, Neil Young, and Bob Dylan, at the time, this guy Kurt was pretty comfortable with basically saying, "Hey, we're a punk band with a grunge influence, but fuck you if you tell me I can't listen to music outside of my own genre." This value of self expression and lack of care for what people thought about it hit me at an early age.
Don't get too confused, though. Of course I like the music. I would not have looked into who Kurt Cobain was as a person or researched what his influences were if there was not at least a slight attraction to what he was creating. All I am saying is Nirvana, as a band, was not my all-time favorite. Kurt Cobain as a person, however, is someone the world will not ever forget.
Kurt Cobain was the Generation X version of The Beatles or The Rolling Stones or Chuck Barry or NWA. The world not seen someone like him for a long time when he arrived and we have yet to see someone like him since he left us. I would have loved to meet him. I would loved to let him know that his music and persona did not just touch the disenfranchised youth or the punks on the city streets. I would have told him that he inspired kids like me to step outside of the world they knew and face the fact that things are different, but so many people can come together and be the same.
Kurt Cobain was a legend. You don't need to listen to the music to know that. It just helps.
Growing up in an affluent part of the Bay Area, the ideals of counter-culture, rebellion, and angst were seldom seen or heard. Catholicism was what surrounded the teachings of my youth and to step out of the preverbal "conformity line" was an unfathomable wrong-doing. Luckily, I had a couple of pretty hip parents who only limited my CD purchases to "anything without a parental advisory." See, the funny thing about that limitation was, any band on an indie label or any band who felt so strongly against parental advisory did not need to sensor themselves. HeHeHe...
By the time I was in the sixth grade I had influences that ranged from extended family members, kids in my class, and, most importantly, the chicks one and two grades above me. Junior high school is the time where you have no fucking clue what you're rebelling against, you're just doing it to hopefully make out with somebody. However, through all the petty bullshit of tee-pee parties and movie theatre sneak-ins, there was one form of rebellion I took quite seriously and has stayed with me until this very day. Music.
Nirvana was heavy shit when I was 12. To be perfectly frank, I was more in tune with trying to borrow a Blink album or buying the New Found Glory catalogue at FYE. I couldn't understand the words in that one song about lights going out and asking to be entertained and I sure didn't turn up the radio in my Dad's car when Kurt would sing the words to "Rape Me." In fact, I imagine most of my friends who within my age group felt the same way. They may not admit it, but many kids were still listening to the Top 20 while a select group of friends I were scratching the surface of the alternative.
As I went through high school and college my musical interests expanded, but I always continued to dive deeper into the alternative rock and roll genre; tapping particularly into punk. It was then I started to notice the names of bands the iconic Nirvana frontman once wore on t-shirts. Black Flag, The Germs, Fugazi, Fear, DOA... All of these bands, while different in sound and geography, had one commonality: fuck off.
And it wasn't just punk, either. Citing major influences such as The Beatles, Neil Young, and Bob Dylan, at the time, this guy Kurt was pretty comfortable with basically saying, "Hey, we're a punk band with a grunge influence, but fuck you if you tell me I can't listen to music outside of my own genre." This value of self expression and lack of care for what people thought about it hit me at an early age.
Don't get too confused, though. Of course I like the music. I would not have looked into who Kurt Cobain was as a person or researched what his influences were if there was not at least a slight attraction to what he was creating. All I am saying is Nirvana, as a band, was not my all-time favorite. Kurt Cobain as a person, however, is someone the world will not ever forget.
Kurt Cobain was the Generation X version of The Beatles or The Rolling Stones or Chuck Barry or NWA. The world not seen someone like him for a long time when he arrived and we have yet to see someone like him since he left us. I would have loved to meet him. I would loved to let him know that his music and persona did not just touch the disenfranchised youth or the punks on the city streets. I would have told him that he inspired kids like me to step outside of the world they knew and face the fact that things are different, but so many people can come together and be the same.
Kurt Cobain was a legend. You don't need to listen to the music to know that. It just helps.
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