So it turns out the Son of God may not have been so PG Rated after all. According to several news reports, Jesus Christ Superstar may have had a wife some 2,000 years ago. Deep breaths, Christians, deep breaths. Before you go ahead and run to your local church or watering hole to contemplate life's choices, just chill for a quick minute. This is not the end of the world. God has not come down from the heavens denying such claims and shmiting those reporting them. Relax. We're going to get through this one rational thought at a time.
Let's look at it from the Every Man's Perspective first. Every man wants to get laid. Hold on, let me take the shallowness out of my character and restate that. Every man wants to get married at some point. We may not dream about it like girls do at a young age, but we do. We want kids. We want whatever we see ourselves as to live on through a miniature version of us. Christ was no different. There's no way this guy was living in one of the most savage times in recorded history and did not want to mess around, or even simply talk, with the opposite sex. And afterall, he was Christ for Christ's Sake...had an entire second half of a book written about him. Ladies of the Middle East were probably crawling over this, most likely, five foot nothing, 115 pound, bearded Messiah. I mean, that discription sounds sexy, right ladies?
Joking aside, putting Christ on a pedastool is fine. People need something "perfect" to work toward. Something to believe in. I'm not a practicing Catholic, but I dig Jesus. The guy preached and stood for all the moral things a human should. But if one of the stepping stones on your created pedastool was celibacy, well, you're fucked. Even if he was the Son of God, God can't fault his son for wanting to get hitched and do the deed we all know and love. Can he? I hope not. I always raised to believe Christ was a virgin, but to be perfectly honest, I dig him even more now with science and history reporting he most likely was not.
Now, let's look at it from a historical perspective. The DaVinci Code perspecitve, some say. When looking at the famous painting of The Last Supper, it has been believed for most of history the portrait displayed Jesus with his Diciples at his side. His all male diciples, that is. However, in recent years via documented historian accounts and the ever-popular The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown, people have support otherwise. In fact, people have stated with great certainty that, in fact, the person sitting to the left of Christ (our right) is a woman. And now, with the breaking news just earlier this morning, we can begin to assume this was not just any woman, but Jesus Christ's spouse. His wife.
Was it Mary Magdalene? Was it another woman undocumented in the Holy Bible? To be honest, I don't know and I really don't care. I'm just psyched. And women should be excited too. At this time in history, Jesus' preachings were focused towards the world, humanity, and people working towards the ultimate goal - the afterlife. Heaven. However, in these times, "the world" really only concerned the dick and balls. Men, to be more politically correct. Mary Magdalene was and is portrayed as a whore; Joseph, Christ's stepfather, allegedly once wanted to divorce the Virgin Mary over her divine pregnancy; the women, who claimed to see Christ rise from the tomb, were discredited and laughed at. Face it ladies (even you God-fearing ones), The New Testament wasn't great to you. But now, THE HOLIEST MAN in that entire book, the Son of God, Jesus Christ, may have been married to one of our great-great-great-great-great (x15) grandmothers. It's fuckin' awesome!
Now, does this speculation do anything to help the Catholic Church recognize homosexual unions as marriage or reduce the rate at which grade school boys are molested by priests? Probably not. However, what it does do is open the door to a difference in opinion. This book that so many fundementally follow may not be 100% accurate (shocker!). So, keep that in mind before you blindly and whole-heartly tell me I'm a blaspheming ass. Even if I am.
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